I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
