why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
