Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
