Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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