I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
