Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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