She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
