who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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