we have pet lesbian snakes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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