She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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