I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
