i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
