Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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