You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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