ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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