ugly people sure do ruin things
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
