seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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