your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
