He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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