i think i have two assholes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
