I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
