My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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