We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
