just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
