you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
