i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
