just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
