So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
