So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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