I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
