i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
