cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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