When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
