he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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