sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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