That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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