i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
