One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
