She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it penis luge time yet?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
