Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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