I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
