I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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