i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
