Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
