never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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