DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
