i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
