can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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