barbara walters just said penis...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
