Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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