Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize