I cannot find my penis.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
be right there i have to get my cape
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