I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
