Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
