so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
