Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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