So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
