You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
