and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
