You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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