I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
