He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
