That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
