make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
