What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
