There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You have to summon your inner elephant
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
