I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
