is your mom at the bar?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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