Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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