What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
