Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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