I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
