he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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