I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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