Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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