So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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