Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
