I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My ass is underappreciated
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
