Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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