Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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